Things everyone will be talking about (despite Congress being on recess)

It’s that magical period in DC where members of Congress have returned home for a week to do whatever it is they do when they are not in DC. While they’re gone (meaning no legislative business can occur), here are a few things no one should be talking about…yet this is all you will hear for the next week until Congress returns (when they will still likely do nothing about them).

– The “sequester” will result in something terrible. Job lay-offs, kitten murders, rationing of Doritos, Downton Abbey moving locations to Mexico, etc, etc.

– Two guys from the 90’s re-introduced a plan they already introduced which no one focused on (cough – Obama – cough) the first time they did it; aka Simpson-Bowles.

– How Obama playing golf all last week is equivalent to his ordering “How to speak Russian” from Rosetta Stone.

– Anything and everything about the fire-ball that flew over Russia even though the entire Western world already thinks Russia naturally looks like it gets pummeled my meteors every hour.

– Guns are bad, or good, or only good for some people, or just bad for some other people. We don’t know, but the NRA has something to do with it. We think. Are we still talking about guns?

– Did we mention the sequester will result in more meteors, but this time they’ll hit places people like to visit?

– Drones. We’re all very, very skeptical of you.

– 2006 flashback feature: climate change. We want the heat now, but when summer comes we’d like you to change back please.

– Tax reform is definitely going to happen, most likely, maybe, ok maybe only in the House, but then also maybe in the Senate, and we think the White House is supportive, but only of some of it, maybe.

– Also, sequestration.

So congratulations political pundits, even when Congress is out of town, DC still can’t catch a break. Maybe August will be better. Never mind, it won’t.

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