As Majority Leader Reid’s recent retirement announcement has reminded us all, no Capitol Hill staffer is safe from unemployment. It can happen any time, election season or not. But when election season rolls around, the infinite wisdom of the American people can have us on our way out of these hallowed halls in a heartbeat.
You’ll go through the usual stages…
…and finally, ZERO F#@%s GIVEN
You already know how to job hunt. You don’t need help with that. After all, DC is the networking, schmoozing, happy hour capital of the world. But getting through this time with your sanity intact is the real trick. It can happen any time, election or hot mess boss. Hopefully none of us ever have to live this life, but just in case, here’s how to make it through unemployment in DC.
Welcome to your vacation, sponsored by the American people! You’re free. Do what you want! Don’t wear pants all day. Wake up at noon. You can finally live the lazy American Dream.
2. God Bless Netflix
Some fictional character on there understands what you’re going through. Friends & How I Met Your Mother know what’s up. And if that fails, live vicariously through fictional characters lives to get your political fix: Frank Underwood is more vindictive that you could ever dream of being.
3. Work on yo’ fitness
You might not be able to have the job you want, but you certainly have time to get the body you’ve always wanted!
4. Make everyone jealous
Remember back when you had a job, and you’d go for a walk outside at 10:30am? And much to your dismay, there were like, a TON of people outside. Going for a run, driving places, having a lazy casual brunch. You’d look at these people and wonder–What the f#$%?! How does anyone have time to do these things?? You’re now one of them. Let the haters hate.
5. Intern Style
Return to that intern life without that horrible title and housing that comes along with it. Free receptions (that you may or may not have been inviter to), happy hour, and shameless drunkenness. Own it.
6. When all else fails… Drink!
Remember those college days of drinking and playing beer pong all day? Welcome back. Get your tollerance back to where it was. Make your friends feel old as hell and destroy them in beer pong/ flip cup. Again. you have time.
Keep ya head up out there all you suffering from #DCFunemployment, and tweet me your stages!