DC Singles Guide to Valentine’s Day

Reposted from 2013…

It’s February 14th and you’re single. Put down the Sylvia Plath and take a deep breath, it’s not the end of the world. There are plenty of things to do in Washington, DC (or any city really) that will ensure you have an awesome day. Here are a few ideas.

1. Propose to strangers in public

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Grab some flowers and a few friends, ideally a large 1990s boom-box, a cheap fake ring, and have some fun. Find a girl or guy walking/eating alone, walk up to them with a long script on how much you love them, have your friends take pictures, play something from a John Hughes movie, get down on one knee, and act extremely surprised when the person says no. Conversely, you can pretend you thought they were someone else. Good for a laugh (but prepare to be slapped). Even better if you can do it on a Metro and capture it on film.

2. Spend all day watching IMAX 3-D movies at the Smithsonian

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It’s DC, lots of things are free. So drop by the Smithsonian and check-out the sweet IMAX 3-D movies. You can watch sweet movies such as Air Racers, Flight of the Butterflies, Flying Monsters in 3D, or Journey to the Stars. Be prepared to see others lip-locking though, and feel free to publicly scold them. Hey, it is Valentine’s Day after all and you’re alone, they should be more respectful.

3. Throw yourself a birthday party

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Tell your friends (ideally those who don’t know you very well) that it’s your birthday and you’re having a party. Even if they have plans, chances are they will stop by before or after whatever romantic outing they have planned (and they might even be looking for a way out). Get balloons, a cake, some booze, and if you took drama classes, you can cry and tell everyone how awkward it is that your birthday is on Valentine’s Day. You might even get some presents out of the whole ordeal.

4. Give yourself a spa day

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Everyone likes to be pampered, so why not treat yourself to some “me” time. Check out the Ritz, Four Seasons, or Aveda for some self pampering luxurious pleasure. Have the staff take pictures of you, then tag random guys/girls on Facebook and thank them for the spa package they got you for Valentine’s Day. Even better if you tag them while they are on a real date. Ideally your friends have a sense of humor.

5. Prank call your non-single friends

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Remember how fun prank calls used to be? Well, they still are. Keep calling until they pick up and start to describe the book you just read that was amazing. Don’t spare any detail, and talk fast. Ideally you’ll catch them with their date, which will add to the hilarity.

6. Challenge yourself to a eating contest…with yourself…in public

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Go to your favorite bar, order an unnecessary amount of wings (Clyde’s in Georgetown “double-dipped” is my recommendation), a few beers, and start plowing through them. Bonus points for flinging the bones on nearby couples. Double points for finishing your first round of 12, chugging your beer, and yelling, “Who’s the loser on Valentine’s Day now” as you begin to cry. Bring some dark poetry books to put on the bar beside you for effect.

7. Clean your house

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I know it sounds odd, but hey, it’s not like you had other plans tonight. Throw on some Kendrick Lamar and get to work. You’ll find it very satisfying to have your place spotless for the weekend. Reward yourself with a good bottle of wine at the end.

8. Volunteer

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What? These all can’t be funny. Volunteering is a great way to spend Valentine’s Day. You can give back to the men and women who serve us overseas by volunteering. Pets-for-Vets is a great charity where you get to play with animals and help Veterans. Conversely, if food is your mojo, check out DC Central Kitchen – a great program who always needs volunteers.

9. Get Drunk

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This one isn’t hard. Just don’t do it alone at your house, alone at the bar is much better. Maybe you won’t leave the same way you came in…

10. Did I mention get drunk?

drunk cupid

Ok, just checking.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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