50 Thoughts: A Ladies Day at the Races

With the horse race season gearing up, if you’re going to be going to the races, these are 50 “potential” thoughts every girl may have:

        1. For once I’m actually excited to be awake this early on a Saturday. Let’s do this!

        2. Time for a shower beer.

        3. Damn I look good in Lily!

        4. I hope this bus has a bathroom. Oh, we’re here?

        5. Time to gamble. I’ll take $100 on #7 to show. No idea what that means but I’m pretty sure I’m going to win.

        6. I can’t believe I’m not drunk yet, this is egregious! What am I doing wrong?

        7. Did you see that girls dress? Ew, this is not Coachella.

        8. Okay, where’s our tent? I need a drink.

        9. Has anyone seen my drunk friend from the bus?

        10. Ooh, trumpet, that means the first race is starting, right?

        11. Score, found the tent. Free booze.

        12. I still can’t see the track.

        13. By the beard of Zeus that girl’s hat looks like a dead porcupine.

        14. Oh hey bow-tie hottie. Target locked.

        15. Where’s my Mint Julep? I need another Mint Julep.

        16. Has anyone seen a horse yet?

        17. Is there any food? Hey is this our food?!? I’m totally eating this food.

        18. Maybe I should have some water. I can’t find any water. I need another Mint Julep.

        19. I think bow-tie hottie is looking at me. Hey boy hhheeeeeyyyyyyy!

        20. How do I know when my horse goes?

        21. It’s over!?! Uh-oh…I think I’m on the verge of blacking ou….

        22. Where am I? Oh, I’m on the bus thank God. Where did I get these Doritos?

        23. Where did I get a water bottle filled with tequila?

        24. Sh!t, did I win my race? There goes $100 bucks.

        25. Oh hey bow-tie hottie, you’re on our bus too?

        26. Where is my friend I came here with?

        27. Okay, back in civilization, I no longer see farms.

        28. Wait, when did lose a shoe?

        29. Let’s definitely go to that house party. It’ll be classy, they have a mint plant.

        30. Dibs on Uber with bow-tie hottie.

        31. I think I’m going to be sick…

        32. Nope, I’m good, let’s rage. Wake up dude (previously bow-tie hottie), we’re here. Lock it up!

        33. OMG CHIPOTLE PULL OVER!!!!

        34. Why is this guy wearing my hat?

        35. This is not as classy as I thought.

        36. Ohhh Champagne!

        37. What’s this hot guy’s name? Clayton? Winship?

        38. Who are all these people?

        39. Why is there no more Champagne?!?!

        40. Are we really listening to “Wagon Wheel” again?

        41. Where’s bow-tie hottie?

        42. Wait, are we out of beer too?

        43. Damn it when did everyone leave? Now what?

        44. Vague memory of making out with bow tie hottie.

        45. How is it 7:00am?!? Oh no, I passed out. Double oh no, bow-tie hottie is not that hot.

        46. Why is everyone looking at me walking home? It’s Sunday, I could be dressed for Church!

        47. Why it is so bright?

        48. Where is my hat?

        49. Victory, I have my keys and my phone AND my $100!

        50. When’s the next horse race thing (still never saw a horse).

Good luck out there and keep it classy ladies!

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