Recently, Buzzfeed published 29 Hill Staffer Problems. Well, believe it or not, lobbyists have problems too.
Being a lobbyist is pretty awesome…
20. …except when your office is in Virginia. And you have 10 Hill meetings a day. During a fly-in. In August.
19. Or when you set up a meeting with the Member and your client…and you get the staffer instead.
18. Your friends and family outside DC have no idea what you do every day.
17. You’re always waiting on someone for something.
16. Having your political contributions searched before every Hill meeting.
15. When their isn’t an Uber “Black Car” near your office and you have to take the cab.
14. Or when the open bar closes at the last event of the evening.
13. Complying with the “toothpick rule” when all you want is a steak.
12. That unmistakable glossy-eyed look when you know the staffer stopped listening to you.
11. Clients who actually think Congress passes legislation that matters.
10. Appropriations and the clients who want them.
9. “Gifting rules” that prevent you from buying Speaker Boehner a bottle of wine and a pack of smokes.
8. When a client suggests you actually stay on the Hill for lunch.
7. Realizing after you’re already back on K Street that you have a PAC event. On the Hill. At 5:00pm.
6. Hill staffers who suggest a 4:30pm Friday meeting.
5. Overhearing NGO lobbyists who refer to themselves as “activists.”
4. Not enjoying House of Cards properly because you know the real truth.
3. When a client tells you they are going to set up their own meeting. At the White House. Without you.
2. Waking up every morning with no less than 2,387 new emails.
1. Having everyone think you’re what’s wrong with the system…
…until you realize you’re actually what makes the world go ‘round.
Just remember, lobbyists are a necessary part of the system. Every citizen has a right to petition their government. So the next time you think about trashing lobbyists, take a moment and think about all of the things you have enjoyed in life. That nice college campus you went to. The data plan your wireless provider gives you. The fact that you can still get a 98oz Jolt Cola in some states. Smoking…yeah, it’s still legal.
So on behalf of all lobbyists…