You’re lying on your side as you open your eyes, ouch, ‘why does my face hurt?’ you ask yourself. The alarm rings with such force it feels like a pep rally is occurring between your ears. As you lift yourself out of your bed (or his/her bed, or the couch, or a bathtub), and while your brain is trying to put together the missing pieces of the evening, you soon realize you have an 8:30am meeting in thirty minutes and you instinctively (as you’ve done before), swear you’ll never drink on weeknights again.
We’ve all been there. And leading up to this point, the evening was likely amazing. So why do we always swear off alcohol – ah yes, the hangover. The feeling of “holy-shit-move-now-I’m-going-to-kill-someone-and-I-need-food-ASAP” coupled with the mass text apologies, the confused voicemails, and utter shame and regret.
That part sucks. Hangovers suck. So I asked some of my most debaucherous friends and connoisseurs of cocktails how they prevent/cope with the dreaded hangover.
Below are the results in summation from my rag-tag degenerate friends (who apparently all went to medical school, have too much time to research hangover cures, or just have simply mastered the art of being hungover). Needless to say, none of these are proven, medically tested or factual for that matter. So attempt at your own risk.
- Coconut water. The stuff hydrates you better than water and has potassium which is apparently good for you. Drink one bottle prior to going out, another when you get home before bed, and another the first time you wake up.
- Meditation. Apparently studies show that sitting cross-legged on the floor helps calm your body and stimulate organs (like your liver). Sit this way for 10 minutes in complete silence, breathe in and out, and come to terms that you feel like shit and there is nothing you can do about it. Then begin the day like a real adult.
- Drunk gym. When you booze until you pass out, organs slow. When your organs slow down, they aren’t metabolizing the alcohol. Therefore, if you can safely do it, hit the gym, treadmill, anything to get the blood flowing and organs moving. This will help prevent a hangover.
- Drink like a baller. You know how a cheap hamburger is likely made with scraps of the cow, or maybe some pig parts and other non-edible crap, but you don’t care because it was cheap and seemed like a good idea at the time, then you feel like shit after – well, booze is the same way. Cheap booze was made cheaply. More additives, and sugars, and other bad things. So stick to top-shelf, high dollar booze to help keep the risks of a hangover at bay.
- Water. Sure, we all know you should hydrate like crazy when hungover. But why wait until you’re hungover? Have a full glass of water between every two drinks while out. Just order a glass of water with no ice, slug it down, and head back to the booze. Your body will that you in the morning.
- Put down the carbs bro! So, alcohol is a carb, so eating tons of carbs doesn’t technically help. Or at least a basket of fries doesn’t help. Go to a late night diner, order steak and eggs. Or, just go home and fire up that grill. Protein and vegetables will make you feel better the next day than fries and pizza.
- PICKLES!!!! Pickle juice, when you wake up. It works, just do it. [editors note: this sounds vial and I’ve never done this so…yeah, let me know how that goes]
- Hair of the dog. You’re likely suffering from the dog that bit your ass the night before. So grab some whiskey, pour into coffee mug, top with hot java, and get on with your day.
I’ll drink to never being hungover again. Cheers!