Capitol Hill INTERN Bingo

It’s intern season!

All the judgmental things we Hill staffers all think at some point as we walk through the marble halls of the U.S. Capitol. Tourists and constituents eye roll-inducing questions, staffers on a power trip, or interns incapable of making a copy. We’ve all heard it, we’ve all thought it, and I’m writing it down instead of saying it out loud. Sure, we love our jobs, but that doesn’t mean we won’t complain about the low salaries, crappy weather, and horrible traffic along the way.

This Capitol Intern Bingo can apply to intern-watching anywhere, but is particularly catered to those up on the Hill watching the interns on parade all summer. So print out a copy, keep it on your desk, and see how long it takes you to get BINGO. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Let us know if you get BINGO. Tweet #InternBingo to @HungryLobbyist & @HillBetch. You just may win a prize!

[Printable card here]

The Key:

• Awkward Email: Normally sent out to every member of staff, or even the boss’s email addresses. It makes you wonder what’s wrong with the youth of today, and pray that your LD doesn’t hire him or her. See: Pledge of Allegiance Intern .
• Hot female intern: She’s under 21, she’s hot, and you know you probably shouldn’t be looking. Have fun seeing her out at Public or Mad Hatter with her fake ID on a Thursday night.
• Badge outside Capitol: If they make it to Union Station or the metro and are still wearing their bright-green badges, take a square.
• Drunk Monumenting: Wasted at the Lincoln Memorial, or outside the White House. Weekday or weekend, day or night. Where are the park police when you nee them?
• Hookup: Whether or not it’s really true that you “had no idea!” they were an intern, that’s your story and you’re sticking to it. Turns out that one-nighter who said they worked on the Hill or for a contractor is actually an unpaid intern here for the month. You hit it?
• Seersucker: Wednesday, Thursday, any day. They’re wearing seersucker to look like the big kids? Take that square.
• Dad’s Suit: Oversize, out of date, clearly from dad’s closet.
• House of Cards Reference: “He’s basically the Frank Underwood of the office” “OMG this looks JUST like on House of Cards!”
• False Tour Facts: They’re just making this s*%$ up. And might even believe what they’re saying themselves. “The chandelier was on the Titanic, and this office belonged to the 19^th president of the United States, John Adams.”
• Drunk/Hungover: Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there. But it’s way funnier when it’s not you. And they’re unpaid. #HotMessExpress
• Inappropriate Use of Badge: They think it’ll get them into bars, or help them steal someone else’s taxi because they “work for the Senator.”
• Skintern – Skintern alert. Girl looks like she’s about to hit the club (or might have the night before). If it’s too short, too high-heeled, an inappropriate color/material, is see through or involves fishnets, take the square.
• Walk of shame: Similar, and possibly resulting in the attainment of both this and the “Drunk/Hungover,” square, you know this girl (or boy) wore that out or to work yesterday and couldn’t go back to intern housing to change before work. Bags under the eyes, disheveled hair. We see you gurl.
• Menial task mess up: You gave them the easiest job in the world-make a copy. They come back 4 hours later, and have both lost the document, and spilled coffee on another one.
• SCANDAL Reference: Mostly girls, discussing how “Olivia Pope” an outfit is, or “OMG, something like that TOTALLY happened on Scandal!”
• Hot male intern: Yup, for the first time in your life you feel like a cougar. He’s hot, he’s tall, he’s probably under 21 and has a fake ID in his wallet.
• “House” and “Congress”: One of my favorites. “So wait, do you work in the House, or in Congress?” Any variation of this will do. Let’s pray they sit down and watch School House Rock soon to refresh their memories.
•  Eating alone: Preferably in Longworth, they have their oversized burrito, likely food on their face, stains of tears from bathroom crying, probably went to a little known Midwest public school.
• Task Refusal: They think they’re above a coffee run or making a copy, and are happy to tell you so. It’s likely Daddy got them this 4 week internship, let’s be honest.
• Vineyard Vines: ‘Nuff said. The kid looks like they walked out of a magazine. Probably because Mom picked it out of the catalog for them last week.
• Over-enthusiastic: Way too excited, and tends to make insubordinate or strange comments, typically in front of senior staff. “I really think the Senator should reconsider his position on Ukraine, he really isn’t looking strong enough to party leadership right now.”
• The West Wing Reference: Normally only from little policy nerds (and I can respect that), but they’re sure they’re the next Josh Lyman or C.J. Cregg, and they say it out loud. A lot.
• Older than you: It happens more and more these days, but they’re 10+yrs older than you, and have 3 post-grad degrees. It makes you wonder what’s wrong with them, and even worse, makes your wonder how you even have a job in the first place without all those degrees.