Every year around this time people are scrambling to come up with some last minute stroke of genius to have the most clever Halloween costume on Instagram. Unfortunately, for most people, this search comes up empty-handed resulting in some thrown together excuse of a costume or whatever is left on the store racks. It can be a stressful time for non-planners.
I consider myself a Halloween enthusiast. I do dress up every year. However, I usually pick the costume that I think is the cutest and hardly base my decisions on groundbreaking cleverness. That being said, I do go beyond putting on a pair of ears and a corset and calling myself an animal of some kind. My routine consists of scouring the internet for a somewhat unexpected choice, so to avoid matching every single female out that weekend. (Cue 1 million Harley Quinns this year.)
While I prowl the internet, I come across the most bizarre, sometimes offensive and often entertaining costumes. So, I think it is only fair to share them with the rest of the world. I have highlighted the hilarious, the bizarre and the offensive. Which trends you can expect to see and the trends you may want to avoid. Happy shopping!
The Trends
Hipster Everything
The world of Disney has gone hipster. Imagine a Disney princess, now add big black frames, converse and general indifference towards everything. This is going to be the new hit of Halloween. Girls love an excuse to wear unnecessary eyewear and to seem “different” than the rest, making this costume genius. Not into princesses, don’t worry there’s hipster insects.
Star Wars
It is the first Halloween since Star Wars the Force Awakens was released, so it will be popular this year. Star Wars is a classic for Halloween. Storm troopers and Princess Leia are always crowd pleasers, but this year expect some newcomers like Rey and Kylo Ren. My personal favorite is “Sexy Chewbacca,” because I can’t believe it actually exists.
Reboot Costumes
The new Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie is currently filming, “Pokemon-Go” is the hottest App out there and the Ghostbusters had a recent hit reboot, giving all of these retro hits a strong comeback this year in costumes. “It’s Morphin time!” “Gotta Catch Em’ All!” “Who you gonna call?” Okay, you get it.
Social Media
It is funny to think that Snapchat and Emoji’s only came into existence a few years ago. Now we do not go a day without them! Snapchat filters and emoticons costumes will be everywhere this Halloween night. So get ready to see rainbow vomit, deer antlers and poop emojis, in both bars and drunk snapchats alike.
Political Costumes
This being one of the most bizarre presidential campaigns we have ever witnessed, political costumes will be very popular. Donald Trump is going to be common for men and women. Ken Bone, the infamous undecided voter, will definitely be a big costume this year, and this “Sexy” Ken Bone is almost too ridiculous to handle. I will also bet that this semi-inappropriate “sexy flag” dress will make someone’s Kaepernick joke land, and the British Royal Guard is sure to be a hit for the Brexit jokers. Basically, sheer political disorder has created a lot of easy material for Halloween this year. Great.
The Unsexy “Sexy” Costumes
The highlight of my online searches are the inanimate objects or bizarre characters that are inexplicably made into “sexy costumes” every year. Just by looking at these costumes it is very apparent that these companies are seriously running out of ideas.
“Sexy” Underwater Creatures
I am not sure what is alluring about any underwater creatures? However, costume companies everywhere are very adamant that there is something sexy about scaley, finned swimming animals. I beg to differ.
“Sexy” Food
I don’t know about you, but nothing says “sexy” to me more than an ear of corn. Apparently, food items are also very alluring. I am not personally turned on by caloric intake, stuffed condiments or vegetables, but to each their own.
“Sexy” Animals
While I do thoroughly enjoy the fact that costume websites list “Spiderman” and “mermaids” as animals, I do not understand these animal costumes. Of all of the animal costumes I have seen these definitely struck me as the most absurd and least sexy. I honestly do not even know what some of these are supposed to be.
“Sexy” Children’s Characters
Something really freaks me out about making the innocent characters of Sesame Street and The Muppet’s sexy. Why would we need to take characters that taught us how to count and read and turn them into sexual costumes? There’s some major deep rooted childhood trauma happening here…
“Sexy” Psycho
In case you were wondering what you’re crazy ex girlfriend is wearing for Halloween, these are them. Men already think women are crazy, I guess these are just to confirm the theories. If you see a cute girl wearing one of these you may want to slowly back away or actually just run.
“Sexy” Offensive Costumes
These are all generally good choices to avoid. For every good humor costume there are a few politically incorrect choices. I think the scandalous Hillary costume is pretty offensive considering it is entitled the “Capitol Hill Costume.” Have I been wearing the wrong clothes to work this whole time?? The “sexy” Andrew Hamilton costume is just bizarre and the “Sexy Joan of Arc” would make her turn in her holy grave. Thanks to costume designers we have basically taken about ten steps backwards from shattering the glass ceiling. As a general rule avoid costumes that are politically incorrect, religiously offensive and culturally insensitive. It’s not a good look.
Inanimate Objects
I am so confused by the need to have inanimate object costumes. In what scenario would you need to be a giant shoe or tube of toothpaste?! Why these costumes exist I will never know. But hey, if you’re running low on options theres always a classy credit card…
Cop Out Costumes
These are the costumes that lets everyone know you either did not have a costume or that you did not want to waste your money on a costume. Either way, these are the low-maintenance, easy to make looks you can expect to see this year and almost every year. Way to go procrastinators, real original.
No matter what you wear, have fun, be safe and Happy Halloween!